Archive for the ‘Other’ Category

Chuck Norris MtG Facts

December 1, 2010

A few of the more funny ones from TCGPlayer forum:

When his opponent played Lightning Bolt while Chuck Norris was at 3 life, Chuck tapped two blue mana and said no. Not that he cast counterspell or anything, he just said “no” and the spell fizzled. He mana burned for two just so that he could make an amazing comeback and destroy his opponent.

Chuck Norris has a lifetime record of 4,736-0. And every time, he has played Land.dec for those wins.

chuck norris’ beard is a first pick in draft

Chuck Norris Mulligans down to zero just to make his opponents think they have a chance

When Chuck Norris won the Invitational, he submitted the card Chuck Norris, Karate Mage. However, the card was deemed too powerful so development nerfed it. Chuck then roundhouse kicked them, and the Homelands expansion popped out.

The card was originally called Meloku the Clouded Chuck Norris, but had to be changed when R&D’s minds exploded trying to encapsulate the awesomeness of a ’roundhouse kick token’

Chuck Norris doesn’t need islands to counter spells. When they are put on the stack, they say ‘**** this’ and counter themselves in fear.

Wizards wanted to put Chuck Norris’s beard on the Banned list, but were too afraid to tell him. It’s restricted in type 1.

Chuck Norris always first picks Ancestral Recall. In Ravnica packs.

The shuffler on Magic Online always gives Chuck Norris the right amount of lands and spells. Wouldn’t you?

Chuck Norris starts every game with 24 red mana and 2 Urza’s rages. He often takes it as mana burn just to show how tough he is.

Chuck Norris plays Naturalize with white mana – he’s old school like that.

Might of Oaks was designed to let creatures be more like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has a full playset of Alpha CoP:Black

Chuck Norris doesn’t need to pay the kicker on Urza’s Rage. He just does a roundhouse kick to deal the other 7 damage. It obviously can’t be prevented.

Chuck Norris can ninjitsu himself in

Chuck Norris still pays 2.50 for packs of Alpha

Chuck Norris uses Moxes and Lotuses as toilet paper, and can actually get away with it.

chuck noris dos not go gaming every friday because gaming indicates the posability of defeat. chuck noris goes winning every friday night.

The roundhouse kick is responsible for the destruction of over fifty planes in Dominaria.

The five legendary dragon spirits in Kamigawa were originally just legendary dragons at first. But upon p*ssing off Chuck Norris, a series of roundhouse kicks turned them to spirits in no time.

Spells or abilities controlled by opponents that would target Chuck Norris cost an additional roundhouse kick to the face.

When Chuck Norris comes into play, you and your opponet loses the game…it’s Chuck that wins.

Chuck Norris had too much beans and created Urza’s block

WOTC once told Chuck Norris that they wanted to craft a card in his image… Chuck was pleased with the idea, until someone from R&D pointed out that Mistform Ultimus would also have the creature type — Chuck Norris. Chuck was enraged that some inferior being would share his creature type. Needless to say, Chuck codenamed the next block Snap, Crackle, and Pop in honor of the sounds of that the bones of WOTC employees made as he roundhouse kicked them all into oblivion.

When opponents lose their life to Chuck Norris, they really do.

Chuck Norris once played a Chaos Orb and then ripped up all of his opponents cards.

Chuck Norris once ate a stone, and **** out the Mirari.

Chuck Norris believes in playing realistically as possible, this is why he kills anyone whos life has been reduced to 0.

Chuck Norris won the 1973 Magic World Championships with a deck of 60 Yu-Ghi-O cards.

The reason you can’t play Phage from anything but your hand, is Chuck Norris.
If you ever try to reanimate Phage, you won’t lose the game, but Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick you till you look like her.

A look from Chuck Norris’s eye counts as a Terror.

Chuck Norris CAN be targeted with spells or abilities; it’s just that he ignores them. Later, they brag to their spell and ability friends that they ‘once targeted Chuck Norris’.

Chuck Norris LIKES mana burn.

Chuck Norris won the Magic Invitational, but Wizards told him he couldn’t make his card say “Tap: Roundhouse kick target opponent. If they bleed, they lose”. Moments later Wizards was bought by Mattel and now are sold from Kay-Bee toy stores.

If you try to counter Chuck Norris’s spells, he would stare at you and make you counter your own counters.

Once a player tried to counter Chuck Norris. Chuck stared at him but he didn’t have a counter to counter his counter. In order to save his life, he responded with a scoop.